Thank U 4 Luving M3 …

 

Whenever I hear that song, it reminds me of you …

- how we met … but only for it to end this way

- how we used to correspond … but only for it to eventually fade away

- how we had our first trip together, yours being the first overseas trip … but only for it to be our last

- how you would whisper and say before you leave for work in the morning … but only for you to not realise that I sometimes was awake

- how you would wake up in the middle of night to run to the clinic to get me medication … but only for you to not realise that I appreciate your caring

- how you would get frustrated in waking me up on weekends to do the things we planned … but only for you to not realise that I smiled in my heart knowing that you gotten a lil angry

- how you would stop my head from banging on the wall with your hand … but only if you knew what was going through my mind

- how you would sacrifices your mode of transport when I was without one … but if only you knew I was worried for you and not to trouble you

- how I nearly lost my life and you were the first in my mind to call … but if only you knew that you were the one I could rely on

- how you would just leave with no where to go, no money to spend … but if only you knew I was worried about you even as a friend

- how you would spend on getting things for my family for festive seasons … but only for me to say that’s a bribery

 

whenever I see your friend’s blog, it had me going …

- reading through the blog to see if there was any mention of you … only to be disappointed that there was no you

- browsing through the photos trying to get a glimpse of you … only to be disappointed that there isn’t much photos of you

- heart pumping, wanting to know how and what have you been up to … only to be disappointed that there is nothing to know of you

- whether you have found someone … only to be disappointed that there is no status on you

 

If only you knew and understood that it was hard for me to let you go despite our daily difference and the never ending arguments and WWIII …

Yes … I hated you at one point

Yes … I didn’t want to talk to you

Yes … I didn’t want to see you

Yes … I couldn’t stand your sudden outburst and our constant arguments

Yes … I hate each time you acted blur and doing something insane

Yes … I was fed up with your unpredictable actions, not knowing whether you ever thought about your actions

Yes … I hate when you always say It’s Your Life and It’s Up To You !

 

but …

words can’t express the feeling I have for you,

words can’t express what I have to say to you,

all I can do is to wish and say …

I Vote Earth !

Come on !

Let’s do our part.

Let’s do it for what we believe !

Let’s not do it because everyone is doing it !

Do it because you want to !

The world dont need another imposter. What we need are genuine people who are sincere in making this world a better place. Actions towards climate change !

What we dont need are people who do it for personal fame. We dont need to publicise what we will do, what we did. Just like the papers that like to interview / publish what people are doing but do you see any news about it before the event ? It is as if there are no other better news to publish.

Publish it ! Publicise it so that those unaware of it will know about it.

Publicise it  ! Publicise it so that more are aware and more will participate willingly.

It is just a small gesture for mother earth who have served us for millions of years and millions to come.

60 minutes.

60 minutes is all it takes.

During these 60 minutes, we can still enjoy. we can still celebrate.

It is a small step for what we have been damaging.

It may not show a huge significant change but it shows that we are trying.

Do it because you believe in it !

Do it because you want it !

Do it because you are proud of it !

Just do it.

8.30pm – 9.30pm on this day @ 27th March 2010

 

I got a feeling … that tonight’s gonna be a good night … that tonight’s gonna be a good night …. that tonight’s gonna be a good good night … I got a feeling …

I have a Secret ….

I have a secret !

In fact, I have a few …. which I wanna share with you.

I can no longer keep it to myself anymore ! It is very difficult to abstain from not telling … It’s suffering … People says don’t keep it to yourself, to share it ! But would you be interested ?

I can’t tell you what my secret is ! because IT IS A SECRET ! If I were to tell you what my secret is, it is not a secret no more and I have to kill you !

Secret should be kept. Secret is not suppose to be shared in public. It is supposingly kept private.

Secret is always full of mystery. Full of curiosity. Everyone is unique and has his/her own secret. Some of these secrets are too sensitive that when you shout it out, it may change your life forever. It is always a risk to tell someone about it.

 I have a secret …

And I have decided not to tell any of you ! It’s a treasure / sorrow in my life. My secret is precious. It is special to me. My secret belongs to me and me only. I need to protect it from others. Although it is difficult to bury it in your heart from everyone but I do enjoy the feeling. The loneliness. Yes ! I enjoy it (at times) !

I have a secret …

This is a secret(s) that I will take to my grave. I don’t want to tell you about it. I want my secret(s) to be a mystery ! Something I have been hiding from all of you and I won’t tell you ! Not even if you are my family members, my friends or my lover. I only believe in me. And I am willing to keep my secret forever to protect my life from any changes. Till death do us part ! No one can betray me if they don’t know about my secret. So, I have decided not to tell you !

 So … do you still want to know about my secret? Can I trust you ? Come closer … Let me whisper to you ….

It’s a secret ! Shhh ……….

[this may may familiar to you ... you may think it's you ... but ... it is still a secret ...... ]

It’s THAT feeling …

Had that feeling again ….

was having a drink alone by the bar in Laundry and suddenly, this feeling came all back to me.

I feel moody …

I feel lifeless …

I feel no sense of directions …

I feel bored with life …

I dont know what I am doing. I just feel that life is boring. There is no excitement in it. It’s always work, sleep, work sleep with the occasionally sports day or hanging out with friends doing the same old it. It’s like a routine ! it’s so boring !

It made me feel like there is nothing to look forward. I dont feel anything ! Is that good or bad ? I DONT KNOW ! All I know is that, here I am, sitting alone by the bar .. drinking and reflecting what I have done ! It’s basically work, work and work ! The thoughts itself was dull ! But what can I do ?

Then I started sms-ing everyone. Just to ease my boredom. Meantime, felt like useless. Nothing to do. Look for friends ? That’s where I realise that no one besides me. I am alone. The lone ranger. Dont feel like calling anyone. That’s as if there is someone else to call-la …

Things gone through my mind. What was I thinking ? What do I actually want in life ? I am actually contended with what I have for now.  You say car .. dah ada. You say place of stay … dah ada. in the process pula … then what else

Tapi, the lifestyle of always reviewing and rushing for deadlines just sux ! It’s as if nothing else better to do. So what can I do ?!

I am just tired with it. I just feeling like striking a lottery and away with the problem (for a moment). I just wanna get away for some time and relax. I just wanna do what I want to do … without thinking much !

In the end, I am still back in office as this hour, trying to rush for targets. Trying to get things done which I have targeted for the day / weekend which I couldnt possibly do during working hours. And yet, I dont feel I have the time for myself …

sigh … 我累了。。。